The Importance of Staying Calm

Sometimes we come across passages in our spiritual reading that we can apply to our child raising efforts.  Recently, as I was reading the following in Divine Intimacy, my children came to mind.  As I am a full-time mom, they are the “others” with whom I have the most contact.

Our charity is sometimes put to a hard test in our contacts with others; and the irritating behavior of some individuals can arouse feelings of anger and indignation despite our resolutions to be mild.  We should not allow ourselves to become discouraged, as these spontaneous reactions are very often independent of our will.  We are not, however, justified in giving way to them under the pretext that it is too hard to resist and that we are carried away in spite of ourselves.  We can always subdue these impulses of passion; and the quicker, more energetic and mild our reaction is, the greater will be our success in overcoming them.  St. Thérèse of the Child Jesus taught a novice: ‘Whenever anyone exasperates you, even to the point of making you angry, the way to regain peace of soul is to pray for that person and to ask God to reward her for giving you an opportunity to suffer.’  And she suggested that the novice forestall these occasions by trying to ‘soften her heart in advance.’

Furthermore, if we reply angrily to another’s anger, we shall only be fanning the flames, when we should be making every attempt to extinguish them by mildness and meekness.  Mildness, however is not condescension to evil, and much less, connivance with it.  There are times, as the Gospel teaches, when fraternal correction is required; in such cases it becomes a real act of charity.  But to make it truly so, it must never be done with the intention of humiliating, of mortifying, and still less, of offending the guilty one; nor should it ever be inspired, even indirectly, by personal reasons: to insure respect for our rights or opinions, or to revenge ourselves for some previous slight given to us.  In these cases, the correction, far from being an act of charity, is completely contrary to this virtue; and instead of doing good, it will rather produce the opposite effect.  Only a sincere dispassionate desire for the good of others can make fraternal correction charitable and efficacious; it should be made with so much kindness that the person concerned feels our love for him far more than the humiliations of being corrected.  This is the way Jesus treated sinners; all were cured by His love and mildness.

Father Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalen, O.C.D., p.811-812

Deal with fewer tantrums in 3 days (or less!)

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